Behavioral Ecology Blog

“Maybe” I suppose is the best answer I can give right now.. What we do know is that there is a strong correlation between industrial pollutants and shrinking polar bear dong’s. Now Ursids are not exactly “close relatives”, but they are mammals, and many of our physiological processes are identical… I bet the experiment done on humans would yield something similar (but think of those poor guys who volunteer for this study). Of course this is me crossing the causation/correlation line a bit…

Sonne and his colleagues looked at formaldehyde-preserved genitals from 55 male and 44 female east Greenland polar bears, collected from 1999 to 2002 by about 30 polar bear subsistence hunters regulated by the Greenland government.

The adult polar bear testicles the researchers examined were on average roughly three inches across and 1.8 ounces in weight, although they could dramatically enlarge during the height of sexual activity from January to July. Their bacula, or penis bones, were on average nearly seven inches long.

The scientists found the higher the level of organohalogens*** in polar bear, the smaller testicle and baculum size and weight likely were. Ovary size and weight decreased as organohalogen levels rose as well.

Maybe even worse, the authors suspect that,

In fact, all marine mammals could get affected by these pollutants, “especially the Arctic fox, killer whale and pilot whales,”

But who cares anyway?? The problem is this, that while human males use their phalli for “pleasuring” females, most other mammals use them to stimulate females.. Only a properly stimulated female will consent to mate.. Basically, you might have the situation where there are receptive females that can’t find suitable mates… So add this problem to the already very slow rate of reproduction characteristic to polar bears, the receding polar ice sheet, lack of prey items, and active hunting and you have a species that is in BIG trouble..

So what does this mean for Homo sapiens?? Well for me, it means the loss of one of the most beautiful animals there is.. not to mention a top predator, indicator of ecosystem health, etc.. Just imagine how food webs, and general ecosystem function will change… It’s not likely to be pretty… Now I don’t eat much marine mammal meat these days, but what about all the folks that depend on these mammals for sustenance.. watch out guys, they’re comin’ to cut off you man parts… Those poor guys, they 1st have to see the animals die off, then endure ecosystem change, they can’t eat the stuff they are used to (unless they’re OK with the risk of shrinking penis syndrome), and to add insult to injury, WHILE THEIR PENISES ARE SHRINKING, THE MEN CAUSING THE PROBLEM ARE GETTING BLOW-JOBS IN AIRPORT BATHROOMS…

I wonder how quickly politicians would take meaningful action to combat global climate change/pollution if their genitalia was shrinking??

***P.S. Organohalogens are organic compounds that contain one or more halogen atoms (fluorine, chlorine, bromine or iodine). The halogen atom(s) is covalently bonded to a carbon atom. They are synthesized by the chemical industry to be utilized as chemical intermediates, solvents, and specialty chemicals such as refrigerants, pesticides for crop protection, and herbicides for weed control. Several organochlorine and organobromine compounds are used as medicines in treating diseases and infections. Halothane, CHClBrCF₃, is a nonirritating and nonflammable anesthetic used in very low concentrations with oxygen gas or with a nitrous oxide-oxygen gas mixture. Highly substituted alkyl fluorides, perfluoroalkanes, are now used as artificial blood substitutes because of their oxygen transporting properties. The organochlorine polymer polyvinyl chloride (with a -(CH₂CClH)_n- backbone) is used in the manufacture of records, packing materials, floor tiles, plumbing materials, and raincoats. (REF)